Cyclothymia (n.) can be described as (according to Wikipedia): a type of chronic mood disorder widely considered to be a more chronic but milder or subthreshold form of bipolar disorder. Cyclothymia is characterized by numerous mood swings, with periods of hypomanic symptoms that do not meet criteria for a major hypomanic episode,[1] alternating with periods of mild or moderate symptoms of depression that do not meet criteria for a major depressive episode.
Translation: not quite bipolar, but also not normal.
But then again...
Normalcy (n.): Who knows?!?
I mean, really. Even people without a diagnosis to explain their issues don't feel "normal." There is always something missing, someone "better." The purpose of this post (after an entirely too long hiatus) is to argue that we are all "normal" in our own right, whether diagnosed or not, medicated or not.
I have had a crazy couple of years. Daddy died 2 years ago as if this past January, I got pregnant a year ago, my sweet baby nephew was born only to go straight to be with our Lord, and I had to watch as my brother and his amazingly strong wife suffered while my baby boy was born well. I don't say all this for sympathy. Yes, times have been tough, but more than anything I am amazed. Amazed at my family's strength, amazed at God's Amazing Grace. Have we been through some crap? Uh, yup. Have we been to some dark places? Well, I certainly have. Have we been abandoned? Absolutely NOT.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
Yes, I feel crazy most of the time. Yes, I feel like maybe sometimes I'm not good enough. Yes, I struggle daily with thoughts that tell me "You're awkward. You're strange. You'll never belong. You're not good enough. You're just too much." But should I buy in to those? Most would say "NO!!" But would you tell yourself that same answer?? See, even though I deal daily with it, I am working on this thing called "imperfect progress" (Thanks to Lysa Terkeurst and her book Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotion). What I'm asking is, Are you where I've been lately? Do you feel the same way? Not enough, yet also maybe too much crazy for the "normal" world to take on? Cuz it is my experience that we are not alone in this. Also, we never have to suffer alone.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither Angels nor demons, nor any power, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
See? Love. Eternally, unquestioning, ever-present. So just rest. Even if the feeling of rest is fleeting (because it is imperfect progress, afterall), just know that He is not fleeting. He is always there. A constant in our chaos. A victor in our defeat.
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